urgh. i don't really want to write anything, but i'm feelin really rubbish and lonely and there's no one to talk to or listen to. i went shopping today, going to buy christmas presents and stuff before I leave for wales, but ended up wasting over £60 on myself then just getting fed up of all the full shops and went home to listen to david rovics for three hours. admitedly that was nice, though i also started to pack and i'm getting so sick of packing my life up into boxes. though it's my fault as I can't stay in the same place for too long, I suppose.
and i'm getting fed up of certain french pepople being racist. just because you live in the country dosen't mean it's not offensive to insult it.
and i'm feeling that while i'm doing not much good here, there's not a lot of good I will do by moving either. and i have nothing too exciting to look forward to for ages. seeing people will, of course, be nice, but christmas will be not too good, i'm thinking, with dad mooning over mum and ben and I fuming in the corner.. plus I miss the fire and the big room. OK so christmas was never that special 'cause rod wouldn't let it be, but, oh I don't know, it's just sentimentality. I did like the big room in nantgaredig, it always had atmosphere, and at christmas time it was always the only room wish christmas in it.
*weak smile* sorry, not meaning to be melancholy.
what happened? I was so happy but a few months ago..

*later* (not much)

for want of something better to do I just scanned over my blogs from a year ago and up to fabruary. they've left me feeling a little better about myself, if not in general happiness at this very moment. i'm quite proud.. I dealt with stuff then so much better than I am now, and now I have nothing to deal with :S oh well, I said it alot then, but i'll say it again now, thanks to you lovely lovely people who make life worth life, without your existance things really would be, well.. just plain silly. you're great guys and i do like you all very much.