feelin' bad..
the situation: decided to get back from edinbro' ..thought it'd be better, make me happier etc.
it didn't, i kind of went to pieces quite badly for a few days. not good. but as a lot of other people seem to have got down i've decided to pull myself together, because it's silly to be depressed and I always promised I wouldn't.
anyway, depression makes you selfish/er so can't be having with that.
but i'm totally failing to get anything done, i keep tring to but i'm drawn back to computer/internet/dvd or book... but i really need to get stuff done, like life organising and christmas presents :s i just don't manage to get myself to get down and Do it every day. though each day i think, tomorrow i'll be different, i'll be fresh and new and happy and want to do things and it'll be good, but it doesn't. i think everything builds up to christmas and when christmas isn't something to look forward to particularly it's a bit rutty. so things'll move on and 'm hoping after christmas i'll find some things to do and, more importantly, some people to be with. i feel so so so alone. christmas is when you are with family and.. well not to say in an overly dramatic way "i have no family" but i don't care for them quite as I should, or rather, can't deal with them quite as i ought, perhaps.
so that's it. nothing exciting, nothing special. i hope i can see some people and get some things sorted. i can't really even see a world beyond this room or flat at the moment, and it's dark and enclosed in here.. i want to be happy and busy and go to sleep thinking of people as i was last year..
anyway, please be happy and take care. xx