well folks, that Coke thing is still in the making, and apres les examens it will be actually finished and you will all be informed of the great evils of coke, but for now I want to exploit this blog's selfishness-related purpouses: talk about myself. I know it's what most people sort of do all the time on blogs, but here I'm about to ramble for a while in order to sort my head out. feel free not to read on if you want, this is for me more than anyone else, as charl pointed out before.
The problem is, I can't concentrate any more. It could just be because of revision - i've never been good at it, even when I try to make it interesting, but I do really find some of the revision I'm meant to be doing interesting, but I can't stop myself from drifting off...
I spent over an hour the other night sitting on my bed just thinking. I don't think I fell asleep, I was just thinking about stuff... and again in school today I was sitting in front of the computer with headphones on just watching those pretty colours on Windows media player for over half an hour without really doing anything. It sort of feels like I'm tired but I can't do anything about it because I've been going to bed at about 10/10.30 almost every night this week and it's had no effect whatsoever. I really really hope it's nothing to do with depression. I don't have any one specific reason to be depressed and really don't want to be like this - but it's something I think about since my mum and brother have both suffered from it quite severely at certain points in their lives. I'm not happy for most of the time, I do know that (especially since I've been stuffing my face all night) - though that's not to say that I'm unhappy exactly. Maybe it's the weather. I should get outside more defenately, and get more moving exercise. Sometimes when I am happy ad bouncy and normal I think it's silly to feel unhappy - you just have to laugh and it's ok. but when you do get low it's harder to get out of the rut... I'm probably being silly. I probably just can't be bothered to try - which is very silly, and I do appologise if my bad behaviour has an affect on anyone else - I do seem to be missing out on a great number of conversations at the moment because I just drift off...
but there are other things which could also be responsible for my silly mood (though this may just be passing the 'blame'. my mood is just annoying though so it's not like I want to feel so useless). these are:
- tiredness (constant)
- eating wrongly? most probably. I'm not doing that all too well perhaps
- not seeing people :( - though school isn't bad but maybe not fulfilling enough
- guilt relating to certain people.
- guilt over my mood. I hear of problems of other people (most particularly Matt I might add, which are too lengthy to list here) and think 'why should I be unhappy when I don't really have any problems?'. this doesn't really help though. perhaps it should, maybe I'm just too lazy)
- emphasised mood at this time because I'm in Aber which never helps.
- I didn't go to MPYT this week so missed out on my dose of hugs (and charl, danny and other great people including josh ( : .) - BIG factor I think.
- stuff that's on my mind.

well - that was an interesting list wasn't it children? I don't know if it's meant to prove anything or even what I meant to show by writing it down, but it is useful to get these things out and 'concrete'.
I want also to note that I don't feel forry for myself or anything. there's nothig wrong - I'm just getting fed up of missing things because I can't concentrate and hours disappearing just because I sat down for a few minutes.
erm... I did have an end piece to add but I got distracted.
oh yeah. I remember walking through town talking to charl sometime last year, and I was listing things that made life worth living. they included things like Yann Tiersen, most likely Simon and Garfunkel, erm... Terry Pratchett books - that kind of thing anyway (this was quite a while ago) and charl said 'and your friends and people like that?!' (disclaimer: these may not be her exact words. I cannot be held responsible for any inconvenience caused by a misquote) and I said 'oh well, yeah...' but now I fully recognise that people really really do make the world go round. they really are what life is all about. I don't really mean romantic connections - though if done right I'm sure they work super well, but just friends. perhaps I didn't know what I had then and now people aren't around so much I'm noticing it.
I hope this is different from the posts I used to do that charl said made me sound like I was going to kill myself (hehe. over-dramatic maybe the best description of them. I was young and foolish all of those few months ago), and doesn't sound too self pitying,. it's not meant to at all, I was just hoping that if I wrote some stuff down I might stop having to think about things so much and might be able to get something done. I'd be perfectly happy if no one even reads this far.
wow it was long wasn't it?
well... meatphorical hugs for you all! I'll probably be less ...contemplative tomorrow.
exams over after monday, then it's mpyt.... the nude (maybe)... mpyt again then CAKE CAKE CAKE! woooooo we beat everyone!! rooster - pah. Tsunami appeal concert - pfft! WE're going to see cake. *sigh* and bus trips for £3. what more could you want from life? :) :) ;)