My stupidity and selfishness is a problem
but so is a lack of communication. I believe that with better communication things could have been different..
and so I will explain a little about my decision detailed in the last blog. I don’t say this justifies or excuses anything, I just hope that it might show I’m trying to be good.

I want to be with my friends more than my family.
This makes me feel guilty.
Because I feel guilty for not being with my family I draw the conclusion that to be with my family is the right thing to do.
I am blinded by this and forget to be sensible.

there is a message, though, in seeing people. there is a level of communication -invisible to those whose parents are still together – in the decision to visit someone. maybe it is only for people in my situation or maybe it is only in my mind, I can’t tell, but I’m not being totally irrational.
I am selfish and stupid, but I do think about things.
And I apologise. Generally and specifically

I am also in a cryptic mood. I think. [not entirely compliant with my resolution to communicate well]

There was more I had to say, but it escapes my mind, except that I’m desperately lonely. I want to continue on about mpyt but it’s actually painful to think of.

schizophrenia is also worrying