mmmmm

things must be back to normal: my computer's broken. woop.
I'm going to quickly write an account of my new years because it will make me feel happy, although I didn't actually enjoy it much and I wish I'd been with those lovely, pretty, hot, nice girlies I saw too little of the night before (though on the subject of "too little" i saw nice amounts of some. whilst running along the streets of llandovery. tee hee.)
anyway, new years at georgi's, a friend of josh and ellen's.. we kind of decided not to go but then tallulah really wanted to so we did after a lot of faff and indecision and finally a very kind lift from Harry.
so yes, most of the night involved "going quiet", sitting somewhere not really looking at anyone or speaking much.. it made me feel like my old self but wasn't exactly popular. mostly I wasn't sure what to do, whether I'd do something to upset anyone or.. anything, or get in the way, or *not* talk to people enough or.. bleh too much to do wrong so I did nothing. they're nice people though. young, yes but i hardly notice really. I managed to spill more wine on tallulah, didn't answer the "what was your best thing about 2006" question with embarassing consquences, actually got a kiss at not-quite-midnight (must say, first time ever, though) and indirectly made someone cry. oh dear. oh! and cried myself when I realised how much I missed old llandovery gatherings and people. but it's what happens. i'm not complaining, just it's what happened.
mm.. rambling.. i had lots to say about the world ending and feeling bad about feeling bad, and how the holidays were amazing and, oh god, torn between wanting to enjoy the little bit of life I believe we have left or trying to do something that may but probably won't, save the world.
but I think I'll go to bed, since harry's suggested it. sleeping may mean you miss some of what's going on, but it feels SO GOOD! sleeping is nice.. it makes you forget there's no one sleeping next to you.
though really, i'm surprisingly not unhappy, really. just need less time to think about that.
um yes.. going now. over and out.
love to all. x x x