gushy gush gush gush

if I could have had anything for christmas it would have been the ability to spend all my time with the people I want to. yep, selfish, but what can you do?
oh yeah.. and world peace and that. though that would pretty much have served the same purpouse. If world peace, hunger, climate change and all that bloody stuff was sorted out, I could quit uni, open my cafe, emply all my friends, or something, and just spend time having fun. it would be nice.
If only I could start to say what I want to without it turning out horribly soppy then I would. but I can't so I shan't. only, they say (you know, "they" do) that the more you love someone the harder it is to tell them. there's a pretty large number of people out there who I could never really tell, but if I could it would be true.
trying to think of a way of finishing this in a positive but un-gushy way. erm..
ooh! I have gorgeous fishnet tights. and rather pretty wool. and a lovely lovely real silver and amber necklace. wow.
er.. and
the world is beautiful. it is.
nope, still soppy.
er..
oh crap, go and look at pokey.

bleh.. self indulgent rubbish returns, but I hopefully won't do this much for the next few weeks.

we like to be exclusive, and we prefer people who are nice to us but less available to others
but, people who are nice to others are actually probably nicer people generally and well rounded.
i'm so annoyed with myself.

Faslane!

Woo! I finallly got there! I feel legitimate again!
after a stupid saturday morning moping about being rubbish, the rest was l o v e l y :) it was really nice to see harry and de-stress in non-edinburgh location and talk to people (yes, I did. a bit. i did. yes.)and then sleep in non-bed conditions and have other people around and be at the base and walk and talk to harry and not talk to harry and stuff like that. i realise the place (we/i) spent least today was probably in front of the gates, but i did get to "case the joint" for further speculation. so hooray!
now I'm shattered but going home tomorrow! the sweetness of this fact has been slightly soured by another sickening shot of jealousy, but I'm sure that'll pass eventually.or at least I'll forget about it. it's almost entirely illegitimate, unfair, stupid, uncalled for and like fucking rod's behaviour and I wish I could let it go, only things can be presented in such a way that I can't help it. or I can but I almost don't want to.
serves me right really. I bring it on myself and all that. but it's not really a big deal.
(though I know she's going to do better at christmas presents than I)
(but! who was it who he told "nothing to do with you could be a problem" on the phone? damn straight!)

tee hee, i haven't been sleeping recently. hooray!

see people SOON! hooray! I am pleased. and smelly. blergh, off i'r cawod.

hello!

i'm taking a legitimate break from revising because I've worked hard today. I've written two practic exam answers and while they weren't fab they *may* just be passes. and one was pretty cool, all about how politics is an art because it's a creative process and can't be a science because of how people are and can't be objective. I didn't put it into words greatly, but I liked the argument and it had nothing to do with stupid theories or anything!
plus edouard's just asked me to send him a photo of me for christmas ^_^ there's no harm in that.
er.. there was another reason I was happy..
oh! i've decided not to be stressed, which is cool and so relaxing. i was so close to collapse yesterday it was slightly funny. and! I have my train tickets home! I'm going to see mum and ben and dad, which I haven't wanted so much in ages. plus other people who are dead fab. and I'm going to faslane, and harry'll be there, and i have sort of been saving the world..
AAH! i'm meant to be carol singing
byeee xx

interesting...

it looks like i've been doing it all wrong.
fancy that

(you're meant to have about 3-4 hours of "play" a week, minimum. all at once!)



ha ha! but! I may be able to attribute my "doing it all wrongness" to an external influence, therefore, things aren't *quite* so bad.
and, as such, I'm not unhappy right now, so there ;)

beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so whatever you think is beautiful, is.
and everyone is the most beautiful person in the world, because somewhere is someone who thinks you are.


words from a surrealy nice man on the street. I'm still in shock. go out and say something nice to someone on the street today: it could change their life, at least for a few minutes.

the world is such an amazing and strangely wonderful place at times.

Yo!

Hello there!
i'm just taking time out from my revision to record some observations of the day.
here goes:

revision "sucks"
uni also kind of "sucks" but it's also OK sometimes
the english language is silly and complicated.
academic study of pollitical theory is confusing and STUPID
learning things as you go along is a GOOD idea and you shouldn't leave all the learning till the last week before the exam
I really really miss my family, for once, which is simultaneously quite nice and quite sad
silly pointless "unproductive" fun is GREAT!
one person can't necessarily change the world alone, and you don't have to be constantly trying because it just gets you down, which helps nothing.
and even when you're trying to help sometimes it goes horribly wrong :(
but! if you do what you can, then you're doing what you can.. and trying hard is better than not trying at all. you can't do everything all the time, so do what you can and when.
immediate satisfaction is great, but sometimes you just have to be down for a while and hope that after than things will pick up (three weeks' of christmas holidays with people I adore ^_^ I hope all will be well!)
living every day as if it were your last isn't actually productive or particularly happy. it's theoretically a nice idea but I think it's been what i've been subconsciously trying to do for a while - simultaneously with planning ahead and living and all - and it doesn't work, practically. it just ends up a bit scary and depressing
i'm not that bright and it means maybe I shouldn't *have* to think about some things too deeply. maybe? just *do* things? (good 'ol marx)
uhmm... the process of regaining my brain begins (I hope)!
but I have five hours of exams in a week! we'll see what kind of shivering wreck I am by then. tee hee..
thank god for mindless, irrational fun. it's pure selfishness and totally necessary in our society. hooray!