Home..

..is where the people you love are. and god, do I feel a long way from home right now.
though I'm probably one of the luckiest people ever, having so many places to go.. and here I am not in one of them.
Uni isn't the place for me, is it? or maybe falling in love with someone who is 600 miles away is the problem, who knows.
anyway, the way I see it is I might die tomorrow, so why not take the weekend off and go and see some rather interesting show done by a rather interesting band of players from the mid-powys area instead of trapseing off to london? we hear the show looks pretty good - it's a musical version of nicholas nickleby - and.. well.. there's a rather attractive actor playing one of the villains.

I am going to hell, I am hollol sbwriel.. but, what's the point in life, otherwise? me just going to one conference in london won't change everything, will it? and even though it will mean I'm missing out on some *more* bonding with uni-friends.. I just can't bear the thought of missing the show right now. climate change is pretty damn important, and I really believe that, but I can't tell my brain that being with people I love is any less pressing.
maybe things'll change, who knows. i've been stronger about stuff that's much harder than this, people are stronger about amazingly difficult things every day, but I seem to have lost my willpower and when it comes to.. well.. everything.
why did i have to wait till I was 20 to fall in love? and why does being so far from wales feel like the hardest thing in the world, when really I'm so fucking lucky I should be jumping for joy. I suppose being pissed off with myself isn't going to help anything, but I'm trying to work out why my morals aren't stronger than my personal desires? well.. I suppose it's obvious really, but I just don't think I can prioratise my morals. other people do. why can't I? I don't actually want to of course, but I ought, I really, really ought.
um.. yeah. maybe uni isn't the place for me, do you think?
life is such a strange ..thing. I don't know how people cope.