I'm meant to be working, but I've done a bit today and my mind is wandering.
I know I've been writing a lot of these recently, but they're not exactly intended to be read and..
whatever.
anyway, I just wanted to record..
when you know you're going to see someone soon, and whenever you remember that your stomach turns and your heart shivers.
no matter what there is in between the time of meeting and now, how much there is to do, what annoyances must be taken care of, here it is, right now, there's that future coming and that time approaching through and above it all.
the moment of meeting.. when you see someone again for the first time in ages, it's never as perfect as imagined, but the split second of recognition, the sudden realisation that here you both are, in one place, at one time, and if it's a surprise, or sometimes if it's not, your head swims for a seccond and the amazing possibility of some things are realised.
how can it be? how is it possible that some things can happen? I'm not surprised, any more, that people write music, books, plays, poetry (*spits*), trying to work out in their minds how their minds work doesn't make sense, you need to get it out..
and i'm frightening myself right now, afraid I've gone too far. maybe I have but maybe it's worth it. myabe it's not, who knows? i can't change it now, all I know is a few months ago I thought I'd lost innocence, and now, here I am feeling naive and young and lost again and it's AMAZING.
Oh so much better not to know everything, so much more refreshing to believe things and not *know* something will or won't work, to learn by doing and not know if the future will last forever or only a few weeks.
I am so thrilled by my innocence, my naive ability to believe in a possible forever, even though my head says it is not true and I know it is not possible, for the first time I find myself wishing it could be instead of cynically putting the idea down.

nope, no sense to this. that's what three hours of research on international law and copying down the UN charter will do to you I suppose.