feel free not to read on

hah, I'm well aware of the high degree of desperation and stereotypical 'finding yourself' stress insinuated in that last post. it is funny. I laugh.
right now I'm feeling far more positive about the whole thing. I went to the glasgow uni open day earlier today (cost me £15 travelling! grrr.) and due to general lack of sleep and no food whatsoever fell into a zombielaike state and learned very little, disliked the city and left early. after a sandwich and coffee on the train (SO sophisticated, dahrlings) I arrived at edinburgh waverly station SO SO SO happy to be back. it's such a fantastic city and the people are so nice. except I believe there must be a lack of females because I just have to walk down the streets and get looked at ALL the time, it's bloody annoying. in glasgow the looks were conspicuously lacking and it was great, until the train home when a guy on the opposite isle kept snatching glances accross at me the whole journey - he got off in edinburgh so that explains it. it's interesting that the others that I've worked with at the stall on a friday/saturday night get really pissed off at the drunks who are rude to them. I don't mind and find them funny (after 8 school years with Aled Sammy, it's not so bad really) but it's the guys who say "ooh sexy" and stuff that really piss me off, while the others don't mind. maybe 'cause they're older, I'm not sure. it just seems that in this city just by being 18 and female you are consenting to being stared at, oggled (or oogled if you prefer) and even stopped in the street by any male who cares to. 'king weird if you ask me.
maybe it'll be ok when the students get here, there'll be more young things to look at - and attractive ones too - and life will be easier.
having said so much about being in edinburgh, I might as well have been in france for the last week (excluding today) for the number of scottish people I've talked to. Last night was the end of the international festival and there was a massive fireworks display to celebrate. I went with my boss Jeff and slightly poeth Brann to a park somewhere miles away from the castle where the display was and watched dasedly, having worked solidly from 12-8.30. after that was jeff's party and of the 15+people there there was one hungarian, four polish one australian and appart from me all the others were french - I was the only british person there! really odd. I'm rather missing conversatin in general - the longest I've had was with my two drunk french temporary flatmates last night. amusing though it was, the company of.. well anyone at all would be nice sometime, and to talk to someone who's english first language for more than "can I have a ticket to glasgow please" or "so what's the theatre course all about" would be a considerable luxury. not that the french, hungarian and polish population of edinburgh are not nice, but I am living in scotland and the lack of scottish people I've talked to is frankly damned strange. and I don't think I've met a welsh person that I don't already know.
I should be flat searching and not pouring out coffee fuelled rambles, rather dull and hopefully unread. a wednesday homecoming still looks doubtful, much to my sorrow. I miss you all like things that are very dear to me.
and the lack of CD shops here is shocking.. but that will have to pass for now.
anyway.. that'll do. I'm not exactly myself at this seccond in time. my mood is changing with the passing minutes and with is my descisions for the future. university choices are as follows: edinburgh, fantastic city with scottish course structure but no theatre studies. Glasgow, theatre studies and scottish course structure but horrid city. anywhere else: not scotland and not scottish course structure. at the moment I'm even considering bangor, but I think it's a mistake. I so want to start to study now. it would make things so much easier.
hahaha this is such a stupid post, though admittedly better than the last
thanks so much for the supporting comments I appreciate them more than I can say, and I miss you all ten times more than that again.
och aye