ok so i got bored with writing everything that happened down properly for the blog (though i recoreded most of the week) but just take the rest as: it was a bloody fantastic week, especially all of it.

Quick thought: What i said before about being part of something is still true. but tha best is when you become engulfed in things, so that one particular thing becomes your life for a while. love that. when you can forget about the rest of the world and just concentrate on doing whatever it is (can any of you aspiring-sherlock-holmeses connect this to anthing that i may have been doing over the last, oh, let's say, week..?) and just be doing it. it's fantastic. forget about guilt and everything. just16 hours a day of pleasure then sleep. it works for me. except when it ends and you get a terrible empty feeling and that you should be doing something. but you can't (at leas not get that bloody saxophone to sound any good at all. how can i love the damn thing when i'm so bad at playing!)
sigh. i can almost say that i don't remember being so happy for such a long time all at once s i did last week, though i am trying to only remember the good bits.
sigh
oh well... think of... last week.. everything...
sigh

Right, no more ramblings for now, this will be the diary of the Aberystwyth music fest, in which I am playing saxophone (alto)
The first day was Saturday, comprising of a welcome meeting, buffet and the first concrt. As far as I can tell, the idea of this whole thing is to invite good musicians to Aber. And make them play, then, since they’re not doing anything for much of the day, they might as well teaach some people while they’re at it.
I was alone for the talk because I know no one there and couldn’t think of a reason for approaching anyone. the talk was quick enough though, and mainly consisted of everyone being introdauced (the teachers and players that is, not the learners) and people saying “I haven’t got a lot to say really) then as the buffet started I met a swiss girl (19), in England for her gap-year and in wales for the course. She is a cellist and wants to do medicine, she had already met frances, a 17 year old oboe player and theresa, a 14 year old clarinetist about to do grade 8. Both are from England. They’re all very nice people, but they do know rather too much about classical music for my taste, though theresa also knows jazz which is nice, and not too much either so we’re about equal there which is also nice, thuiogh she’s more interested in clarinets and I in saxophones ,but that’s no matter. Then was the concert, wich was interesting, but nothing special. It’s not very good, but I just can’t ge excited about classical music as others seem to, my mind just wanders, but I plan to go to all the concerts as they are free and it will be good for me. The second half of the concert was good though as it was some famous string quartet playing with four other players, and the cellist of the quartet and a double-bass player who had joined kept looking at each other and laughing all the time, but never missed a note, and that was really nice, as the whole audience noticed and they all enjoyed it all the more for it.
Next mrning we were meant to be in the AAC (aber. Arts centre) foyer by 9 am to start practice at 9.15. first I met Catherine, who plays tenor, alto and soprano sax (thouhg she’s rather taken with gerry’s barritone sax now), and lives in mid-Wales somewhre. Then was caroline who’s really nice and is about 26 from what I gather and is a music teacher in Kent, as is Stewart and Paul. Paul is a little over-confident in things and when I heard he was a teacher I thought it would be games (he’s hat kind of person) but he said music. Later though he said “I also coach sports part-time” so that’s allright. There are 7 of us all together. The other two are Sorca (sorsha pronounced) who is 14, in year 10 in aberystwyth. she has been playing the sax 2 to 3 years and is on grade 5, thuogh seems better tha I am, and nicola, a buisness consultant somewhere in England and has just taken some really high exam in saxophone… on Saturday in fact. They’re all rather good players (apart from sorca, grade 8 and above standard) and while I can generally keep up, it’s experience I’m lacking so there are things I should know but don’t, but more on that later. we waited for a while, and Gerry, out tutour came and said “we’re in pen-y-bryn” (he’s irish so actually hye said “pen-ee-bryn, though now we know it’s really just pen bryn). At that point nicola and stewart had not yet arrived, and so catherine and paul went off to find them and we caroline and I stayed in the foyer in case they turned upp there, gerry went to sort out pen bryn for us. He returned soon after saying that the porter wouldn’t let him in, though the fest had booked, the porter didn’t know. We couldn’t find anyone, it being before 10am on a Sunday, so we had to wait a long tmie. Then gerry found a man in a blue t shirt (AAC uniform) and asked him. He said go to the great hall (where concerts are) but you might get thrown out, so we had to check it wasn’t booked then finally went in and started playing it was now five to ten and gerry was not pleased because he doesn’;t like to waste time, which is geat because it means he is nothing like mrs. Rowberry when teaching and conducting. We played through some pieces which were ok though nothing I adored playing (swinging shepard blues is a lovely piece bit I was stuck on alto 3 so had little nice jazzy things to play). Surprisingly, most of the others are classical players whiich means of course that they know all about styles and things, though I’m not too sure about sorca. Anyway that went OK, but after lunch we were meant to go down to the Olc College for wind-band practice. This is a long way from AAC and there are odd one-way systems in Aber, so Nicola and Carolinj were fnie because they were in a car with me, and I think that catherine and stewart were following but paul got lost (hah). Sorca gets lifts with her dad so she’s ok. First it was lunch time, and there was a lunch time talk about the psychology of performing, and that was great. Asically she said that you should think you’re good and the audience will too. I am pleased to learn this as an ex-theatre director, Jacky told me to always be a little under-confident, while drama teacher Miss Eliss said be confident and I was unsure which to believe. I’m glad it was miss Eliss that was right, and ha to jackie who’s got it stupidly wrong. Hen we had wind band, which was odd. For one thing it was back to front. In intermediate wind band which I play in in carms. If you face the front, the clarinets are on your right and flues on your left, but in this the flutes were on the right. I asked nicola about this and she said that the flutes were always on the right. I shall have to tlk to mrs. R. about this, though she is left-handed so perhaps that means something. I shall see what senior wind band is like next year too. There are a great many things I will have to say to mrs. R. in september, and it’ only the first day now.
Afyer wnid band we were supposed to have ½ an hours break, but as the wind band over ran its time, and we had several saxophones to get back to the car (sorca and I are the only ones with one sax, the rest have 2 or more. Sorca is getting a £1000 clarniet any day now, and may get a sop sax. It’s obviously a course for rich people). And we had to drive back up to AAC so by the time we got there it was time to start playing again. To explain briefly: there are several groups in the fet: main orchestra, strings and wind, who all play in the Old College on the sea-front, while the Saxes, composers and brass play in AAC, meaning that the brass and saxes have to go into the town and back evry day to get to wind band.
Our next practice was in “the chapel” a section of AAC. We had a 2 hour session there (4-6), durng which time I learned that I’d never played the sax properly. Apparently you’re meant to puit your teeth on the top of the mouthpiece, and I’, still not sure if teeth are meant to touch the reed as well. I realised how little basic things I’ve learned as most of what I do I made up. I have had no corrections before so I assumed that I was doing it right. This is mainly due to the fact that Mr. Williams started me on grade 4, though for the first week I’d played before my lesson I was playing with the mouthpiece upside-down, so he should have realised how little I knew about these things, and now I’m unsure if anything else I’m doing is wrong. It doesn’t help that mrs R. doesn’t play the sax properly. I will have words with her.
There was a concert in the evening, nothing outstanding, though I dodn’t know an oboe could play that fast.
Hopefully more tomorrow, but I ma be just too tired. It is extermely hard work and even many good players are shattered. It will be a hard week

hmmm. everyone seems to have links on their blogs now. all the more reason for me not to and then i can pretend that it's that and not just that i can't work out how to (i;m sure i could if i tried).
I#ve decided my problem is i want excitement in life, but not enough excitement to make it happen. for instance i walked through the living room one evening when mum and rod were watching a film on video and i just cought sight of one bi, where two people had arrived too late somewhere and had to sleepp on a small bench ti wait for the morning. it's not much but it;s just so different. and in 'Amelie' when she sleeps in a phone box. ok it;s not just about sleeping in strange places there's just so much excitement out there for people who know how to get at it. people who have all sorts of jobs. generally the jobs that appeal to me are ones that don't really require much education. in fact i really fancy trying out being a maid. a real old fashioned one that has to do loads of things like polishing silver and things, though i hate saying that because i always feel that i'm being too posh and middle class wanting to try out stuff that the poorer classes do, but it's not. for one thing i'm not middle class, i don't see anyone as poorer class, or any class at all realy, and i don't like to think of there being people 'lower' than i am, exactly. this isn't working out very well. every word makes me sound more pompous, but in truth i hate any way of distinguishing between different types of people. we're all people after all. but what i'm saying is i like stuff that's more than just...cleverness. hmm i always wanted to be a waitress when i was little and there;s other things which i forget. i just get the feeling that you get to meet more interesting people that way, thoough i don't know why. and anyway, i'm sure that there's plenty of interesting people in teaching. it's just sometimes i get fed up of the idea of qualifications always being important and higher education and things. which is silly because really i love education, which sounds odd, but it means you're so free in many ways, at least at school, while t's compulsory because you can't earn a living really and you have less burdons of responsibility etc. if i had a chioce i'd love to stay around this age and at school for a good while longer, but of course it can't happen. and now i'm leaving compulsory education and will soon start to run up bills and all that rubbish which is so silly. Ho hum. oh dear i don't really know what i want. it's just my life is all prepared, A levels, UNi and then, if i'm still interested, PGCE. as long as i'm still alive of course. and for noce it would be interesting to not know. in some ways it would be fun in the short term to fail some GCSEs but i don';t want to really and i do want to go to uni. and do a levels and i don't want to fail at all.
i do tend to talk about myself rather don't i. i suppose that that's the point but still it feels a little selfish. i do wish that i hadn't given up creative writing because i did enjoy it, but i just can't write anything now, anything good ir not fact like this, or whatever it is. and i'm not saying that this is good either. but i miss creative writing sometimes. i will miss it. it's just that the one story that other people liked was sort of original and though i can think of other ideas they never work and i'm so rarely in the mood to write anything that if i start something one night i'm liable not to ever finish it, or more probably, put it in the recycled paper basket after wri[[ing it up, which usually makes me feel better. i hope all this makes no sense really. i think i go a bit odd after not seeing anyone a) that isn't my family and/or b) isn't remotely near my age. seeing Ben is very nice, but to stay slightly... well not sane but un-odd t helps to see people that are friends out of choice too, though i like ben loads not just because he's my brother, though i'm glad he is. agani this probably dosen't make sense. like he very odd jazz on the radio which i don't like at all. it's like some of the modern art work, it's gone past nice and is just silly, but people can get away with it because they're famous. like turning a bike upsidown and calling it are, or hitting a violin with a pencil (as this music sounds) and calling it Jazz. but that's late friday night on radio three for you i suppose.
well goodnight.
Preview: Robert thinks that Jane is going to run away with his ex-wife's sister's dog, while May is having misgivings about her new floral patterned dining room table cloth. Rachel is fretting over her daughter, Lucy who is spending alltogether too much time with that rascal of a boy, sir lemptington-grit from the big house who sometimes wears leather jeans, whilerobert'sv ex-wife's sister's dog is lusting after paul, an ex-soldier who was secretly a wonman for 25 years in the 34th war where she died nine years ago.
tune in to next weeks episode to find out what happens...

i find that i just always want to be part of something... like... well it's hard to explain.. well. if something's popular and going on for a bit, and no one really thinks about who's doing it... i like that. it's sort of like newspapers except all the journalists are sort of famous now (in london anyway), but i don't want that. i think it would be cool to be doing something and no one knows it's you but everyone's talking about it...
if anyone's read 'the truth' (TP) you might know what i'm talking about a bit. it's just so much more interesting to be part of something rather than to be an outsider... i don't know wh exactly, but i suppose you don't always have to (though of course sometimes you have to do things that you don't have to). that's why i want to be a teacher i think, because education and schools takes up such a large part of the running of the country... like holliday prices are modelled around it and all sorts of other things and i just don't want to be an outsider. that's not that i want to go with the flow, only i don't like being one of the many who just watch it happen and are affected by it a bit, i want to be one of the few who are in it and do the effecting, if that makes sense. i like to be different. (most people reading this should already know that, or i hope so anyway..) though of course i do want to pass on knowledge and help people too, not just be different. it's just there's so many people living boring normal lives and i want to be part of something at least. if possible something big, but not be known for it... like write a really popular book and no one knows who i am (like that lemony snicket fellow, who i personally think is a bit of an idiot)or... well something else. when people talk to you about you, not knowing oit's you... like saying to you "that [editor/writor/something else] is so [something]" when the [editor/writor/something else] is you... if you get the idea. it would be sooooo cool. but i don't think it would happen/ though i like the idea of having lots of jobs. like there was this man counting fish in our river and before that he was something... then he lied and said he could do stonemasonary and got a job as a stone mason. i think that is soo cool, thouhg i don't think i'd ever do it. though i really should work to be like those people who i want to be like, but more on that another day perhaps.
right, that's my ramble for the day at least. live life in luxury, that's what it's for. or mabe not...