hmmm. everyone seems to have links on their blogs now. all the more reason for me not to and then i can pretend that it's that and not just that i can't work out how to (i;m sure i could if i tried).
I#ve decided my problem is i want excitement in life, but not enough excitement to make it happen. for instance i walked through the living room one evening when mum and rod were watching a film on video and i just cought sight of one bi, where two people had arrived too late somewhere and had to sleepp on a small bench ti wait for the morning. it's not much but it;s just so different. and in 'Amelie' when she sleeps in a phone box. ok it;s not just about sleeping in strange places there's just so much excitement out there for people who know how to get at it. people who have all sorts of jobs. generally the jobs that appeal to me are ones that don't really require much education. in fact i really fancy trying out being a maid. a real old fashioned one that has to do loads of things like polishing silver and things, though i hate saying that because i always feel that i'm being too posh and middle class wanting to try out stuff that the poorer classes do, but it's not. for one thing i'm not middle class, i don't see anyone as poorer class, or any class at all realy, and i don't like to think of there being people 'lower' than i am, exactly. this isn't working out very well. every word makes me sound more pompous, but in truth i hate any way of distinguishing between different types of people. we're all people after all. but what i'm saying is i like stuff that's more than just...cleverness. hmm i always wanted to be a waitress when i was little and there;s other things which i forget. i just get the feeling that you get to meet more interesting people that way, thoough i don't know why. and anyway, i'm sure that there's plenty of interesting people in teaching. it's just sometimes i get fed up of the idea of qualifications always being important and higher education and things. which is silly because really i love education, which sounds odd, but it means you're so free in many ways, at least at school, while t's compulsory because you can't earn a living really and you have less burdons of responsibility etc. if i had a chioce i'd love to stay around this age and at school for a good while longer, but of course it can't happen. and now i'm leaving compulsory education and will soon start to run up bills and all that rubbish which is so silly. Ho hum. oh dear i don't really know what i want. it's just my life is all prepared, A levels, UNi and then, if i'm still interested, PGCE. as long as i'm still alive of course. and for noce it would be interesting to not know. in some ways it would be fun in the short term to fail some GCSEs but i don';t want to really and i do want to go to uni. and do a levels and i don't want to fail at all.
i do tend to talk about myself rather don't i. i suppose that that's the point but still it feels a little selfish. i do wish that i hadn't given up creative writing because i did enjoy it, but i just can't write anything now, anything good ir not fact like this, or whatever it is. and i'm not saying that this is good either. but i miss creative writing sometimes. i will miss it. it's just that the one story that other people liked was sort of original and though i can think of other ideas they never work and i'm so rarely in the mood to write anything that if i start something one night i'm liable not to ever finish it, or more probably, put it in the recycled paper basket after wri[[ing it up, which usually makes me feel better. i hope all this makes no sense really. i think i go a bit odd after not seeing anyone a) that isn't my family and/or b) isn't remotely near my age. seeing Ben is very nice, but to stay slightly... well not sane but un-odd t helps to see people that are friends out of choice too, though i like ben loads not just because he's my brother, though i'm glad he is. agani this probably dosen't make sense. like he very odd jazz on the radio which i don't like at all. it's like some of the modern art work, it's gone past nice and is just silly, but people can get away with it because they're famous. like turning a bike upsidown and calling it are, or hitting a violin with a pencil (as this music sounds) and calling it Jazz. but that's late friday night on radio three for you i suppose.
well goodnight.
Preview: Robert thinks that Jane is going to run away with his ex-wife's sister's dog, while May is having misgivings about her new floral patterned dining room table cloth. Rachel is fretting over her daughter, Lucy who is spending alltogether too much time with that rascal of a boy, sir lemptington-grit from the big house who sometimes wears leather jeans, whilerobert'sv ex-wife's sister's dog is lusting after paul, an ex-soldier who was secretly a wonman for 25 years in the 34th war where she died nine years ago.
tune in to next weeks episode to find out what happens...