revision: don't you hate it. today i have watched some complete rubbish on the television in volving an old version of some film to do with the nights of the round table which had definate pre-echoes of the monty python film. they must have watched it. probably avioding doing any work. the worst thing is is then, whatever i do i keep thinking i should be revising and i have enough permanent guilt as it is. i just can not revise at certain times. it was almost physically impossible for me to get up and do some work. is it because i roughly know everything already or because there is not enough pressure. proberly the latter but with a day to go before the first exam it seems odd. i think my main problem is, and it i going to be hard to explain without sounding snobbish, this: i like praise for hard work and i feel the best sort of praise is when it comes from surprise, i.e. 'gosh that WAS good, well done" rather than the "I'm not surprised". i know that everyone is expecting me to do very well, certain people expecting A*s all round, which i hate because i don't think i can live up to those kinds of expectations. i know that if i do, all anyone will say is "oh, i'm not surprised" and if i don't they'll say "oh dear..." i'm not trying to get sympathy, and i know it's an awful lot harder if you have to work very hard to get a C or below. i will or should get complaints for saying this, but the thing is, weather it's true or not, it's how i see things which is what effects me. also i have been told that i should be doing the exams or myself not othe people, but i think that i've got similar feelings to 'other peolpe' ie. if i do well i won't be too surprised (no snobbery intended) but if i don't i won't be happy. all the conclusions i can draw from this is that i really do hate revision and i will spend the next five weeks, as well as for several weeks afterwards, feeling immensely guilty that i am not/have not/ did not do enough revision oh dear i think i am a lost cause and am also incredibly selfish dedicationg whole posts on my own blogger about myself. more interesting fantasies next time perhaps, or a description of my exam days. i would post my 2,600 word report about my second to last day of school but there's a danger that people from school would read it....