AAAARRRGGHHHHHhhhhhHhhhhh
crud.
Jealousy: WHY!??!
grrrrrrr




hehe, yeah, I'm having fun and everyone seems nice at the moment, but I miss wales people loads. I feel like making frends here takes a little more away from who I was before. whish isn't true, but I want people I know, who I don't have to explain and who understand. you're all so great.

...an amendment to the last line of the fisrt post:

Josh is great and I'm so lucky ^_^




yeah... not gone to bed yet :P

oh yeah, I didn't save the world or anything, but ...y'know... meh

This'll have to be quick or it will defeat the point of my leaving watching firefly in the bedlam theatre so early...
I've just had a lovvely night - the day was pretty bad and I was not feeling so great BUT then we had the last night of the freshers' play, where techies are meant to pull lots of pranks - which kind of happened - after that we did improverts, where I did the lights (follow spot again), which was cool and the show was funny.
Then we had "initiaitoin" into techieness which was meant to be having a "techie" and a "black" drink, techie being a really dark beer that was something like 8% and a black was vodka and coke, you drink three fingers of the beer and then put in the vodka and coke then down it.
..well so suzie and I kind of skipped the adding the vodka and coke bit and I only drank half the pint of beer relatively slowly, (but ssh!)
THEN we went to cabaret voltaire - which is the place directly opposite charl, kit, beth and my house last year but we never went to, and danced from half twelve till three to OK music - not sure of the specific genre but I could dance to it and it was cool. techies are traditionally outsiders so I felt SO cool and at home with them it was lovely. I did get glass in my foot and it hurts. and got reallllly hot and put water on my hair but then it looked like I was sweaty... nevermind.
Then we went back to the bedlam and they put on episode 2 of firefly... which I promptly slept through, hence my coming back.
But the massive OMG WOW thing: I've just found out that a relatively important techie, and really cool, lovely and nice guy called xander is from builth!! he's bethan greeves - who, for those who don't know, is currently playing josh's wife in the mpyt play of nicholas nickleby - anyway xander is her godbrother!! he went out with lara pedalty when he was 12! he knows seb! eeeeeeeeeee!!! it made me so happy :) we talked about people we know and how brilliant sheep and hills are and spoke welsh :) :) I hope to stay friends with him, he's great
the thing that would have made tonight about a million times better again, though, would have been to have had josh here.
josh is great ^_^

Wedi blino, gormod i wneud, heb gwneud dim defnyddiol trwy'r dydd mwy neu lai. Mae'n pen i wedi torri ers i mi bron a rhedeg wrth cyfarfod people and planet yn y pwb - mae llawer ormod o bobl wedi fy moli yn diweddar a mae'n gwneud i mi ofni. Fe ddes i o'r pwb gyda'r eisie gryf i cuddio dan y dillad gwelu gan grynnu'n dawel am amser. A nawr rwy'n clywed pobl meddw'n cael hwyl ty fas ac yn teimlo'n waeth, pam na allai fod yno gydant-hwy? ydw i'n golli mas? neu allai for fy hun a cario ymlaen a'r prifysgol heb teimlo fel methiant?
Y brif broblem ar hyn o bryd yw... rwy'n poeni fy mod yn cwympo mewn gariad. Mae'n teimlad hollol rhyfedd a nad wy'n teimlo 'mod i fod i teimlo fel hyn. "relationships are something that happens to other people, right?". A rwy'n ofni fy mod yn ei gymryd ...er... that I'm taking too much for granted ...a byddai'n dod i ddysgu fy mod yn anghywyr. fel llawer o bobl yn gynt.
ond mae e'n ddweud ei fod yn fy hoffi.. ac ei fod e'n lwcus. I ddweud y gwir, 'dw i ddim yn gredu hynnu. beth sydd i weld ynddo fi? (sorry to Miss Harries, direct translation of an english term. ho ho.) ni allaf gredu faint mor lwcus yr ydw i. ar ol eisiau rhywbeth fel hyn am blynyddau, dyma fe, bron yn union fel yr oedden yn gobeithio... a rwy'n ofni nad yw e'n iawn.

gormod. siarad gormod. wedi blino. colli pobl llawer iawn. wedi blino o'r ymddiddannau (hehe bon mot!) "who are you? what course? where from? cool! interesting! yeah... I've heard of that slightly obscure town/english county/part of london. er.. yeah you're also totally rich, aren't you? yep.. and you applied to cambridge but didn't want to get in. but you went to a private school.. and.. are totally better than me at everything. crap. damn my uber competative nature"
wel... rhywbeth fel hynnu. eisiau ffrindiau. yma nawr.
wel.. gwell byth, eisiau fo. yma. nawr.
eisiau cysgu yn y nos ar e bwys a dino yn y bore heb teimlo bod amser yn mynd... yn colli.
eisiau mwy o dyddiau nag sydd eisiau cyfri.eisiau digon o amser gyda'n gilydd fel y gallwn gwastraffu. eisiau dal yn dynn.. cyffwrdd.
eisiau anghofio am fucking climate change, ynni niwclear, diwedd y byd. eisiau diwedd yr haf nol. eisiau bod yn sicr am fynh nheimladau ac o'i deimladau, ond eto, mae'r ansicrwydd yn hwyl.
a rwy'n teimlo'n well yn barod. roeddwn yn colli'r cymraeg heddiw.
rhyfedd.
argh! eels! pas un bon idee :P

diolch yn fawr i'n Geiriadur mawr hyfryd i! :D

cariad i bawb. os yr ydych yn deall hyn mae'n gafaelgar (heh.. hollol anghywyr! mae cymraeg yn gre^t!) rydy i'n eich golli. xxx

for god's sake, just because wind turbines are put up in the fucking middle class areas people complain about "environmental vandalism".
The government wants to build TEN, yep ten. that's 10 NEW nuclear power plants. But they'll be in the industrial areas, so who cares?
I think I want to cry.

I've realised it's probably been years since I wrote one of these only-vaguely-coherent over-tired blogs, and it's about time I added to the collection.
er.. though I hvae little to say for anyone who isn't me. I've been checking over some other blogs and it makes me want to go all emo and cryptic, so I shall do so.
humm... main thought for the day: I'm going to uni in a few days. eek... don't want to lose all this
what I want most, at this moment, is to remember who I am. it's getting a little tiring, feeling so washed out and plain - I'm happy but I don't feel like me, or anyone really, just the recepticle of experiences that are occasionally pleasant.
ho ho.. I am tired, but it's true about the not feeling me bit. need to spend some time in my head. probably plenty of time for that in uni, though, when I'm there *not* making friends.
hmm.. and not pretending.. not taking people for granted. hopefully not stretching my soul so thin that it feels like I have none left for myself.
bleh, and babies still die and war continues and the bastards keep making money, and here I am worried about my individual and quiet problems that mean little to me, let alone anyone else.
yes, OK, it's life. nevermind.
secrets should not always be, they're tiring to uphold and I can't be bothered with them right now.
mmm... I'm going to bed. I hope that's rubbish enough. I was trying
hee it would make me laugh if it wasn't so tiring.
Life continues beautiful, and this beauty is forecast for tomorrow also, so keep your eyes peeled for it, if you're not paying enough attention it might be missed.
Oh please do see it: you're lucky enough to own a compuer with internet connection, you're lucky enough to be alive. I can't believe how lucky I am and I would wish never to take it for granted but to feel the beauty every day.
I'm not a fucking hippy, honest