oh god

I'm tempted to calculate the hours of sleep I've had in the last week, justifying my three burns, five cuts and two elbow bashings yesterday alone. If I
and I've forgotten the rest of the sentence.
I know I haven't been to bed before 2am and haven't been up after 12 for at least eight days. that sounds like 10 hours sleep, but it's been more like 2-10 or 5-12. everyone feel sorry for me! I'm joking. I like it like this, baby. though now everyone's gone and left me in the big city all alone. well.. more or less.I have my French Connection friends, none of whom are under 26 (I think.. except for oh hang on maybe they are. Kevin is... some age, and then there's brann and his friends (eitha poeth hefyd!) and, bugger I've fogotten his name too... but he's 18 and really friendly. antoine I think. and eszer's probably not over 30...)right anyway. erm. well we're having Kate/Kasha's leaving thing tonight - she's one of the lovely polish people, but it's at 9 and it's now 7 and I don't really know what to do for 2 hours. I've been online for a whopping 71minutes which will cost me £1.50
erm.. I had loads to say then talked to kath and ralph and forgot it.
ohh I miss everyone now. beth went at 7am then kit an 9, and I was only just woken up, nightdressed and sleepy to say goodbye to them, then robin and jonny left in a mess of grumpy cleaners and it was all.. quiet. it was lovely having them too - they are nice boys. when not too friendly. and they threw themselves on the floor for me to film.
ohh. I'm lonely and want to be in wales. eszer, who I'm staying with is lovely, but hmm..
I need some friends here, then I can move. maybe when the students come it'll be ok. anyone know anyone studying in edinburgh.
more lucidity when I'm feeling like it and don't have 3 mins to go to £2
love you and miss you all like sweet cakes

Poland

...is SO COOL. there are a great many very cool people from there (well... at least 7) and they do fantastically fabulous physical theatre. wow

helloio
I'm meaning greatly to be in touch with people betterer - I really want to, but up here in the land of scot time passes quicker than an ant with a mission.. well, the days go quickly and it's hard to get things done.
hahah charl and I just met this guy who techs a weird show about pornography and ..stuff (it's well done but a bit ..erm.. odd..).. anyway we went to sit in the park with him, because I said I'd leaflet for the show (long story) and we ended up having a big grass fight! hehehe it was fun and amusing and we laughed.
I am also haiving to try to phone my boss to see if I can work today instead of tomorrow so we can all go out after results night. *sigh* how I absolutely HATE HATE HATE phoning people who aren't my freinds. it makes me feel sick for ages.
anyway, that's life for you (tee hee)
all my love to everyone - and good luck for tomorrow to anyone who needs and or wants it. what fun eh?
Kath and Jane - I was going to send a postcard, and still will! I know putting it here loses the surprise a bit, but writing it down may help me to get on and do it. and hello again to monsieur ralph who is currently in france but will hopefully one day return. and ..does anyone else read this? ahh well.. hello to sam and danny and joe and all the lovely llandovery clan and hi kwong - hope the househunting's going well. and to llandod/powys/mpyters who I adore too
this is getting boring to read, isn't it. it's lovely to write names though, and think of people. in such a busy, crazy city life it's easy to forget
missing ye all all the more now
see ye all, eventually.
xxxxxx

charlotte is not a bum
she is annoyed at this allegation
she is a nice person and unlucky
yes.

hello. we are in edinbugh and the likelyhood is, you're not.
isn't it interesting.
Hello to everyone. we're having a fadulous time, living in an ikea-style city centre flat and watching the days fly by like flying things. Missing all of everyone and the welshness, though scoatland is damn fine despite sporadic weather conditions.
good. I hope wales is as fun as edinburgh is. there are many people here. it is strange. we laugh.
much lovings

woah, dude

well. right. after a bloody awful weekend here I am with the sudden information that tomorrow I am to go back to my old house and get the hell out of there. Although Poppy's cat burgler idea was very appealing, turning up with a bloody girt van and hauling as much stuff out of the attic and rooms as possible seems to be the flavour of the moment.
I remember just around the time I left it I wrote
"how can you hoard memories? how can you be sure your memory will be enough? so many important and influential things...times... how do we know they won't just fade and become nothing? there's SO much IMPORTANT stuff... I just don't want it to slip away."
that rung home with a few people - mainly, I think, because of the time of life etc.
Now, I don't think I give a damn. I've been looking at the photos I took, running through the house, trying to catch it all, and I looked at one of the kitchen, remembering being there, and I could hardly believe that when I went home it wouldn't be to there; that house, that space, those memorable things. But it doesn't wrench at my heart to know that I never will be back in this place where I grew up, (tracing patterns of lettes on the wooden cupboard doors when I was too small to even reach the countertop, or welding fudge to the baking trays in an early cooking attempt [afterwards it just had to be eaten off - what a damn shame that was]). Whether or not it's because I know that if ever I do think of that kitchen, or the house at all, the first things that will come to my head will be the february-dark evenings, the gentle banjo and illogical lyrics of Alison Kraus, my mother's obsession, playing gently on the dodgy CD player resting on the turned-off frezer, at an angle so it wouldn't skip (one of the early CD players, bought for a whopping £200 for my brother's 16th birthday in Aberystwyth back in 1996), my mother and I in the yellow light reflected from the yellow walls. it sounds peaceful, and in a way, it was. But it was a peace brought by a temporary pause in the war, rather than a contented life. there was an edge to it, and I don't regret the fact that I shan't be going back to that.
Still, there is a final look around at a house transformed tomorrow. I've been told it's 'gone to pieces' - much like one half of it's past inhabitants, and as my mum's dresser and wardrobe, my brother's books, my tit tat, is taken the place will no longer be that that I remember. So why give a damn? I have mentioned many times that I am happier now than I have almost ever been. I forget, or get 'down' (to boogie, yeah!)sometimes, but if we were contented for every minute of our lives, nothing would be interesting, would it?
an interesting final day in wales before tripping of to the land of the scots it shall be, indeed. Life is so full of variety and interest, I wonder how anyone can be bored.
I know I have said this many times before, but this is not really meant to be read, but I wanted a record and thought this would be an apt one. I could just save this somewhere quietly and forget about it, but I'm trying to be brave with my writing and just go for it. the tone is a little melodramatic and soppy, the style may be tending a little to that of Jane Eyre, which I'm currently reading (though I may just be flattering myself to think so) and this last sentence may be a little indicative of an English Language student's pomposity, but the facts are there and it's not meant to be self pitying.
You must excuse the surup, it is barely intentional. maybe I should really just be writing 30somethings' romance novels instead. tee hee